>> bob: hour has been on the air 20 hours so far today. >> have a great weekend. see you monday. ♪ my goodness. this is a wonderful place. i am coming here. welcome to "red eye." and welcome to "red eye." now to andy levy for a pre game report. what did i do? andy, what did i just do? andy, pre game report. >> thanks, greg. coming up on the big show, want to see a dorky guy kiss for 60 seconds? if i have to watch it you have to watch it too. and i was going to make a joke about how they won't see you tomorrow, but it only works if you know their slogan is see you tomorrow, and a lot of you

might not know that so i decided not to. and does going to prison turn you into a better criminal? the shocking answer that you probably figured out. greg? >> thanks, andy. >> you becha. >> did you catch any of "the five"? >> today? >> no. >> it is interesting. >> what happened? >> not a lot. >> did you do the super bowl commercial thing? >> yes, it was fun. a great hour. >> now you get to do it again. >> the best thing i think i have ever seen on television. real proud of it. go ahead. let's welcome our guest. she is so hot that hot wings serve her at super parties. super bowl parties that is. i am here with author and columnist jedediah below. jedediah bila. if thoughtful commentary was wrestle mania i would say $40 to watch sweaty men do him on cable. it is the daily beast cultural

news editor. what is that? where did that title come from? it is michael moynihan. just kidding. you are great. bill schulz is off. filling in is my private yoga instructor who is a writer and comedian. nice tie. no jacket. and she knows stocks like i know frocks. project runway is my care. the stocked for -- liz mcdonald. >> a block, the lede, that's the first story. >> i am still upset about the previous five. if you are just tuning in i was upset about that show. just upset. should we stop the jets and not honor vets? we are used to the displays of patriotism in support of the military that go along with major sporting events like the super bowl, whatever that is. but one professor wonders as professors often do when they are naked if it has all become

a bit much. writing in the washington post, a paper, theresa jenkins says things like the jet flyovers, the military color guards and the singing of "god bless america" have become nothing but habit, and they served a quiet political do -- dissent. she knows when athletes refuse to participate in what she calls patriotic gimmick re, they can face insults from fans and even punishment from their league. and she wonders why, quote, a country founded on rebellion finds not standing for an anthem or saluting a flag unamerican. whatever. i like patriotic fervor on everything.

>> there is a lesson from that video and frankly i don't care about it. liz, always a pleasure having you on the show. you were the moral compass of this network. >> oh god help us. >> does she have a point? >> go to the frige if it bothers you at that time. text somebody. what a cranky pants ms. jane hath away who finger wags a country about this. she also writes, what is next? navy seals sneaking into the bleachers delivering pizza? beer, salt and combat boot shaped -- i mean this self- righteous bitchiness has to go. >> the fact she name dropped jane hath away is awesome. for those living at home she watt the banker in "beverly hillbillies." >> cranky pants. >> i can't stand her. >> and they are all employed at msnbc, by the way jie. they are the jane hath away

network. >> moynihan, good to see you. are you all right? >> yes. i'm all right. >> does she have a point or much like you is she annoying? >> why do you have to send me these stories? of the 400 things that are wrong with this piece there are factual issues. the idea that died six or seven years ago that people are having their political dissent squelched it doesn't happen. it is like somebody booze -- boos carlos delgado. the most annoying thing is it is a unit directional thing. everybody forgets tim thomas, the goalie who refused to go to the white house because he hates obama. he said a bunch of stuff. the teams we might suspend him and we might fine him. there were all sorts of editorials and people were booing. it was not mentioned in this piece. >> good point by the way.

i am glad you brought in some back up information. >> i just made that up. >> none of us are going to look it up. jedediah, you were saying in the green room that not only do you agree with the writer, but you are tired of the military giving you notice at all. >> stop it. you can never overdue patriotism in my book. you have to thank the vets for everything. sports is about competition. sports is about freedom and opportunity and reaching for the top. we owe all of that to the men and women in uniform. >> you say that, but are you not wearing a flag pin. >> i was going to wear my american flag dress, but i thought it would be over the top. >> well, it was under the top. you disgust me. go back to canada. keith, sorry you had to sit in bill's chair. >> no problem. it is my pleasure, greg. >> thank you. you hate america. this column must have been

like mother's milk to you. >> what was the question? >> i'm with you on the question. it is true. sporting events, they over do it a little bit. sometimes they do it and people don't even realize it. for example the college championship game. air force paratroopers came in to deliver the gameball, and -- >> really? >> yes. and during the alabama game to keep the theme going notre dame's defense played like 1940 france. they kept the theme alive. >> i see where that joke was going. >> the other team were nazis. >> long set ups. >> works every time. >> would you turn your back on american ideals and you are showcasing the very freedoms that are guaranteed and protected by the very country you are protesting against.

so it is this whole cycle -- >> that was really profound. >> when i use my cell phone to bitch and complain how unreliable sprint is, it is the same thing. do you see the irony there? >> that was a smart point. >> i am in bill's chair, but in a cerebral guy. >> you are absorbing the residual cocaine from your buttocks. there is cocaine juice on there because he sweats it out and then it comes back out and gets in your body. next thing you know you will be out on the street completely naked and making out with a homeless man. >> i just threw up in my mouth. >> i think i hate america. >> listen, when do we ever get together as a country to appreciate the freedoms that were hard fought for and people died for? >> that is good, but the flyover in my opinion is a reminder there we were allowed to watch that game. if we didn't have the power of

the military, we wouldn't be watching that game. we would be speaking canadian. let's face it. >> i think it can sometimes be a little much. that is not a strange point. it is strapping for the woman to say this kind of thing quiets defense which is bananas. you are like, okay. i get it. that is fine. in the piece by the way she uses an example of a basketball player who wouldn't get up. he converted to islam. she said it is against his religious beliefs. jay she fakes it and says like -- >> she fakes it and says they had to -- he was suspended. i looked it up and it was one game. they said here is a compromise. by the way, these are private companies. >> she had a lot of bumble bees in her hair about this. >> that she did my favorite baby-sitter.

>> get those bumble bumblebees out of your hair. get the bumblebees and the cocaine out of your hair. this is the position of academics. patriotism is infantile. it is an irrelevant belief system that if you believe the country is special that somehow you are an idiot. you would rather believe in some kind of post modern inaugural poetry than actual love for your country. >> they can be post modern in their criticism. universities and colleges are nonprofit and operating on the nick cet. >> i say yank it too. >> are you attacking their decent now. i just want to point that out. >> we round up all of the professors.

>> last word. >> academics view patriotism as decisive as most ration people view it as unifying. >> that is a brilliant point little green lady. from disking to kissing. it is the fox and the fro. i can't believe we are doing this story. go daddy.com, a company that makes super bowl commercials and pretty much nothing else. i don't know. even though i have given them hundreds of dollars on web fees, it is an ad on the game and puts the ick in swapping spit. >> there are two sides to go daddy. there is the sexy side and the smart side that creates a killer website for your small business and represented by walter. together they are perfect. >> enough, enough.

i would rather watch bob beckle bathe. actually i have. >> actually i have helped him bathe. it was the most romantic weekend i ever spent in prague. we were filming a movie. this nerd was played by jesse hyman and it required 65 takes which is a lie. according to bar this was a dream come true. here she is talking about the ad. >> i always wanted to go to a club and look around and choose the most -- the one guy that is most unlikely that i will ever kiss or pay attention to and go and kiss him in front of everyone so he will be happy and remember it for the rest of -- i don't know, the week. go daddy.com made my dream come true. >> oh yes, you will walk into a bar and kiss a fat guy while

you are screwing leo dicaprio. how shallow. the supermodel says my dream is to tate a homely guy. howie go ties staw cal -- how ego ties staw cal is that? let me pick a homely guy and kiss you. how wonderful am i? i am giving you life because i am a supermodel. my dream came true recently and i filmed it. take a look.

>> keep going. i wasn't done. jay how does -- >> how does that end? >> that is riveting. why did we cut that? >> what keith points out to me, i am looking at this and i say the brunette in the ad is actually more attractive because she is not sucking face. >> she is classy. it is danica patrick. she is hot. >> women have driver's

licenses? >> isn't that amazing? >> it is amazing. >> news flash. >> is it amazing or stupid. >> it is not called the parallel parking 500. >> that was sexism. >> look at green lady at the end. >> all right. bmac i will go to you. is the ad clever, funny or what is it, exactly? i actually get grossed out by it, but i am a fuddy-duddy weird owe. >> it is shock and manipulative. i am a fuddy-duddy weird owe too. i like what he said. he practiced on a blowup doll and they nicknamed h lyndsay lohan. >> no, that was lyndsay lohan. >> i love lindsay lohan. can this actress put her hands in my hair? she said this is my favorite most memorable kiss ever.

>> it is condescending, jedediah, to every homely, curly headed weird owe who blushes when he kisses a woman. this has nothing to do with how i grew up. i don't want anybody to read into this whatsoever. what did you think of this? >> in reality she would never go into a bar and pick this guy out. we all know this. >> are you saying there is a difference between reality? >> as a lover of nerds, every guy i dated people have said to me, this is the oddest match. this is a strange looking match. i am living proof in my own life -- >> every guy? >> every guy. >> every guy? >> every guy. >> every single guy is a nerd? >> every one. >> every single guy is a nerd? >> every guy. i don't know what is going on. >> are you a mystery. what is your favorite band again? >> oh here we go. >> what is your favorite band? >> here it comes.

andy, i hope you are listening. >> what is your favorite band? >> sara mclaughlin. >> that makes me want to kill animals. >> that's terrible. >> kids at home, don't watch the television. >> keith, thoughts. >> first of all i want to say i am a huge nerd. >> bill, he stole your part. >> way to go, bill. hope you like the bulls game. >> bill is so wasted he is convinced that you are actually communicating with him through the tv. he is so saying oh my god. and he probably ran out in traffic. >> i will be there in a second. >> he has a hard hat with the two things that cocaine use cans . >> i think it was called coca-cola. >> there are a couple things i

can think. i can't help but think somewhere manti te'o is going, come on, really? >> i had to make up a girlfriend. >> i don't know if i would qualify this as gross. i think us, anybody sitting back and saying this is a gross ad is also condescending. why is it gross? he doesn't fit the normal commercial standards -- hang on a second. nobody except the few select of us commended on what was gross and that was seeing the alabama quarterback kissing on national television. his auburn girlfriend, that is gross neglect of common decency. there is nothing sacred in this world. >> i will say this, i was repulsed by it because i felt i was watching two different species making out like a giraffe and an antelope. >> that is rude. >> why?

>> i don't know. >> we have like a minute. i want to go to you. go daddy. >> yes. >> they must be making tons of money, correct? >> i think so. >> but all they do is they charge you for a website you want to buy. say i want to buy greg wears lingerie in arizona .org. >> it is taken. >> or bob beckle bath. >> why can't i just do it myself? why do i have to go to them? >> you don't have to go to them. that's the quick answer. they take advantage of people like you who don't understand the internet and think they have to go to them. i don't know what they do. apparently they host websites. last time i heard the guy shot a rhino. he was being protested because he was killing owls. >> we have to take a break. i can't do the full tease because we went so long.

she got a bad tip and then a pink slip. a waitress who posted on-line a receipt with a customer's complaint has just been fired. as with most sagas, this one started in the st. louis area at an appleby's last friday. a pastor named a lois bell scratched out the automatic 18% gratuity for parties bigger than 8 and wrote a zero for an additional tip and admonished, i give god 10%. why do you get 18? chelsea, the waitress tells con um soar.com says she put the note on the net as a light

lighthearted joke and had no idea it would go viral. i said that about my hepititis. the pastor wasn't pleased and called her manager. the plate mate was relieved of her duties. the good thing is she is dating charlie from "party of 5". do kids like baked potatoes from appleby's? >> was that the domino cat? >> i don't know what that was. it probably tasted wonderful. appleby's has policies about protecting perm -- personal information. >> i don't think they handled it correctly. i don't want my receipts put on-line. i don't know if the credit card number was up and that is a good point.

she wrote -- this is what the waitress said, i have been stiffed before, but this is the first time the big man was used as a reason meaning god. so i thought that was interesting. now there is a facebook page, hire back chelsea and there are 4500 visitors. >> that's because she is on there doing the gangnah style dance. >> what do you make of this? i feel she should have been fired because the customer -- no matter how bad the customer is you can't do that to the company you work for. >> i am not a big fan of disclosing the customer's name, but if applebys have the policy you can't put it out there on social media. restaurant policies are disregarded though all the time. the employees must wash hand thing? nobody pays attention to that. and i will say this though, i think -- you know how some

countries require the citizens to serve in the military as part of their citizenship. i truly believe american citizens should have to wait tables for a year. it is a hard job. >> have i done it. it is really hard. >> i actually did it for two days. i quit. jay i did it and got fired jie. at rueben's next to the college of san mateo and i hated it. i hated every minute of it. i ended up striping. >> you walk away with a respect of what they put up with. >> i hope she gets another job. >> i can understand why she was fired. you don't do that. >> but these people are so young, and they don't know what they are doing. you know what the internet is? it is a firing machine. you are sitting home and you come home from work and relax and you open up the firing machine and you say what can i do to get fired? maybe i will make a twitter joke about kids. >> this is the great thing about the internet.

there are people who are 18 and 19 years old that know not to post pictures of themselves like shooting heroin into their eyes and doing bong hits with no pants on. like there was a teacher the other day from colorado doing soccer colts in g -- somersaults and -- in g strippings and then posting them. -- g-strings and then posting them. >> who was posting it again? >> what was her name? >> carly crunkbear. >> she is a delight and if not for the internet i wouldn't know much about her. >> let me ask you, jedediah, you get the last word on this. last word. >> i used to be a waitress. i did it all in my spare time. >> i bet you went to the lilith fair? >> i did. >> did you really? >> i did. jay she is a woman of the -- >> she is a woman of the new

millennium. >> i used to be a waitress. cocktails, food, if anybody stiffed me i would be mad. and appleby's violated their policy. people had written things on their receipts and they posted them. so they violated the policy. >> they should fire themselves. >> i was working in a certain venture where i hired a group of people. i won't get too specific, and they had -- they were doing some work for me, on-line work. all of a sudden i have the google alerts. there is a person on the web who said saw gutfeld in a bar [bleep]. and then i said what do i do? that's pretty mean. what did i do? it turns out this person works on the venture. so you go on-line and call me a [bleep]. that's not nice. they fired her.

now she's dead. do you have a comment on the show in e-mail us at red eye at fox news.com. and do you have a video of your animal doing something sph click on submit a video and we mind -- we might use it. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by zebras, the swift african horse mammals. thanks, vee bras. zebras.

let's go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> hi, greg. >> doing a pretty good job. should we stop with the patriotic stuff? you brought up that the professor wrote this article. she asks, what comes next? navy seals to deliver free pizzas? or maybe miniature drones dropping t-shirts to the crowds below? am i the only one that thinks that sounds awesome? >> i do. >> i would pay extra. >> that's a great point. >> i love when the humor less professor ends on the comedy routine. >> by the way, other countries do that. they have the right idea.

they believe their military is something special and as a reminder of where something is going it is a part of the government that works. it is people that believed in a mission. >> the post office is like that. >> and the dmv. >> michael, you said the idea that some people were having their political defense squaw welched. although you said he got suspended for one game. >> and it was 19905 -- 1995, by the way. it was also the guys making $400,000 a year. >> did you say it was 19905 -- i'm sorry 1996. >> it was pre 9/11. i mean when you have to reach back that far as an example?

come on. >> the thing that players got booed well that's your choice. >> because they don't get booed for anything else. >> although i think she is over rot and makes no sense i disagree. >> you think it is too much? >> sometimes -- the comedian did a comedy routine and talking about how over blown the national anthem was getting at games. what did i forget what country i went to at a sporting event? why sporting events? why did we have to all of a sudden do all of this stuff? >> it symbolizes what it means to be american for people and everybody feels patriotic about sports for some reason. all-american apple pie, baseball. i think it is a national -- >> i don't think it is natural. we have been conditioned. >> isn't is deluded?

>> it is deluded by the celebrity nature. if you take the national anthem, it is not about the song now, but it is about who does it. it should be a high school marching band in tight clothing doing this and not some big celebrity jie. you say that -- you say that about everything. >> it should be bill in tight clothing. >> can i just say i wanted to agree with you, but i figured that everyone would attack me. >> there. >> and here is my big thing. the god bless america at the seventh inning stretch of baseball games that started. when the yankees started doing that it was amazing and touching and you really felt something. now it has become habit like the professor says and it loses what it means if it becomes -- well we are just saying this because this is when we sing it. >> now back to the cracker jack song. >> but you know that is not

what the professor is talking about. >> the professor is doing another exercise in patriotism. >> i think she is over wrout, like the lapel pins, the flag pins. if you need to wear a huge flag lapel pin to show are you patriotic, no. go do and go be patriotic. do things for the country. >> that's really cute. >> you were going to mention names. >> it is symbolism over substance is what i am getting at. >> it is like if you have to go around telling everybody you are patriotic maybe you are to the that patriotic. >> that's why i like a little thing called i heart unicorns. >> you don't need to. >> you want to find out you come on over. >> i got horns everywhere.

>> the go daddy ad. greg i have to say what has it been 13 years we have been doing this show? >> yes. jay this problem -- >> this is probably the most outrageous i have seen you. you know what is funny? i have no memory of it. you know what i was angry about? we showed it six times on "the five." it was five times too many. i think by the time -- a couple hours before taping the show i never wanted to see that again. when i saw it it flipped a switch. it made me angry. >> to the point when i was walking in here there were monitors that show a particular news network. there was a could i ron and it said ad -- chyron and it sed ad -- said ads too sexy for tv, but then they played it.

>> that's what i said. we said is this too sexy? and then we kept playing them. >> maybe the answer is no? >> just the right amount of sexy. >> andy, can we play it again? >> no. >> michael, go daddy is a domain name. did you have to go through a dnr ? are you just billing people? >> you might have been out having a smoke, but he said they are the only ones i can get a website from. >> they are the largest. >> they are the largest because of people like greg. >> because of their ads which i think are awful. >> i bought andy levy's lonely cat island. .com com and .org and triple x. andy, you are screwed.

>> and ca in case you are planning to go to canada. >> greg wears lingerie and also not taken. >> andy levy.com. that is not taken. >> i think it is. >> andy levy.com is not taken. it is not taken. >> it is sad. >> who cares? >> it is going to be by the time the show is done. jay andy . -- >> andy . levey? >> are you done? >> no. a levey. >> the commercial did not take 65 takes. it took 45. >> but they are trying to make the story brrrr the kiss. that is a lie. >> and there was a version with more tong. >> i will -- yes. >> that will not be shown during the super bowl. they claim cbs rejected it because there was too much tongue.

they are going to show it on the website. >> it would be more funny if they said more tongue and it is him reading the little red book. >> that was a stretch. >> thank you for that. >> andy, that was a clever joke. >> someone was talking in my ear. >> i said they would be reading from the little red book. >> waitress fired after the tip fiasco. you said she got a bad tip. actually she showed the receipt with the note on it and she posted it and got fired. >> the only other thing i had was a joke. >> go for it. >> it is about the pastor though. >> why? >> i was going to say first of all pastor bell is more like pastor time. >> i like it. good writing.

>> it is really good. it is barney miller. >> you know what the saddest part is? i actually wrote pastor prime and i wrote it wrong. pastor prime is better 6789. >> that would have been in the classroom scene of "welcome back carter." coming up, george clooney loves men -- tor nie g young -- toring young actors. he has a lot to teachers and. dorito flavored taco bell tacos? i think i have died and gone to dorito flavored taco bell tacos and taco bell flavored burrito heaven.

was the voice on her phone her own? that's his name. he was in "zodiac" and"

welcome back carter." there you go. a little further. was the voice on the phone his own? the man behind the manti hoax said he left love sick messages and not his love sick cousin. he pretended to be her. >> i just want to say good night. i love you. i just want to say i love you and good night and i will be okay. >> wow. for a comparison here is an original voice male that she left for manti. >> i want to e-mail you and i am getting ready for my first question. i just want to call you and keep you posted. i miss you. i love you. bye. >> i am aroused. do the voices match? some analysts say yes. by some analysts they mean my

pet turtle, captain hard shell. i trust him in anything. discuss. >> lightning roooouuuunnnnnnddd. lightning round. >> he is insane. >> that guy is a genius. voices you probably do and then failed. that man succeeded. >> i would defend you, but i would never defend bill. >> thank you, jedediah. >> and i am on the chair. >> it is the game of the thrown. sthat's impressive. >> it is impressive. but i think nfl scouts take note that manti te'o shouldn't read a play fake. >> you are adequate.

by the way, i agree. you have to -- >> that was amazing. >> it was amazing. >> he should be in the cia. and i mean the culinary institute of america. excellent cook. i can't believe i remembered the name of that. >> it was spooky good. >> thank you. spooky good was my nickname at the halloween festival. jedediah, you call and pretend you are owe o'reilly. how do you rate this? >> i would use a little more helium. that's what i do. this was so good it gave me chills. it is creepy. i think this guy should find a career in entertainment and do something. it is that -- it is the kind of thing where you listen and they sound exactly alike. i don't know who was questioning. >> but does anybody get the manti story?

for two years he was hoaxed? >> i was dating a squirrel. >> my wife is a hoax. >> 50 seconds. >> i was impressed too. i hadn't heard it. >> he is the michael winslow of sexually confused saw mow cans. >> have i to say that i don't -- i have to say that i don't understand what happens with this guy. but apparently -- it wasn't a tbirl. it was a guy that was leaving messages. >> it was the usual suspect. >> we have to take a break. buy "joy of hate" bookstores, amazon.com. autographed copy g gutfeld.com. it is a fun book.

a jetblue flight, is there any other kind from new york to san diego and a woman flipped out on another passenger getting a free seat upgrade. the unnamed lady was engaged when the other lady was bumped to the premium section next to

her after complaining about a broken tv. the plane had to make a detour in denver. love their omelettes. other passengers booed her. and then everyone was executed. oh laugh, laugh. does she have a point? if you upgrade someone for free why should i have to pay for first class? >> i am upset that video went viral. that was a horrible video. >> the quality was really bad. >> everything is going viral. everything goes viral. >> if that video is going viral our society is in its final decent. >> you are absolutely right. >> liz, thoughts? >> she was right to be angry. what is going on on airplanes these days days ? i don't know who i am sitting next to anymore. >> i know what you are saying. that's why i only fly in dune bug -- buggies supported by

helium balloons which can only take me 300 or 400 yards before they drop. was this drug-related on are a crazy person? >> no, i'm glad she was executed. you know, she is on jetblue. it is like they don't even have a special thing. you are flying jetblue. >> it is a bus in the sky. >> it is like getting upgraded on the mega bus to dc. >> jedediah, they went to a lot of -- okay. this is what i don't get. you get the last question because we have to go. they diverted a plane, and that costs a lot of money. it screws over a lot of people to make a point and make somebody feel bad, isn't that petty for jetblue? >>- q. i it depends on what she was doing. it said she was enraged. i was on a plane years ago and a guy jumped up and started screaming. screamed, screamed, screamed.

>> it was john gibson. >> i thought it was you, actually. >> i told you i was sorry. >> i want to know what she was doing. >> if she didn't deaf pho indicate or throw up -- well, i am even okay with that. >> maybe she was violent. >> we will wrap things up with andy levy. to see clips of recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

i am not watching the super bowl. i am watching the puppy bowl. i am going for shadow juniper. >> i haven't watched the puppy bowl. >> a new one early next week. >> it was the journalists. >> some say it was a good column. >>